The Painting

Have you ever felt pain you know the kind of pain that no one can see. It runs so deep in your bones that it cripples your every move.

I’ve experienced this kind of gut wrenching hopelessness. I will never forget the hold that it had on my life. That kind of pain stops you from doing things you love. Your hopes and dreams fade and they feel so far away. The depression takes over and you forget the beauty in life and what and who you were created for.

I know there are tons of blogs that tell you about all the right product and all the right weight loss tricks but none of that matters if you are at this point because you must find that hope in who you are. The precious jewel that you forgot about. The one that others see even if we look in the mirror and only see ourselves as being ugly.

The beauty and love must start within your heart. Seeing yourself as worthy of this change. Its possible, I promise. There is hope even if your lost inside yourself.

God predestined you for great things even before you were formed in your mothers womb. My daughter said it best. One morning as I was getting her ready for school, she asks. “How are babies made.” I stood there pale faced having no clue what to say to my six year old. I said well honey “God makes babies” and at this point I’m praying God give me the right words to satisfy this question without totally answering it. My daughter looked up at me and said “its ok mom I think I know. God painted our eye color. He wanted mine to be like yours and daddy’s and I like that cause my eyes are perfect. He thought about what color my hair should be and then he remembered that daddy’s favorite hair color is blond like yours mommy. He painted my lips to be rosy red so they would not make me look to pale and my forehead looks a little bit like yours. Mommy I’m happy he spent so much time deciding how he wanted me to be. I also know he made me a princess and that’s why I like pretty things.”

As I stand there in complete awe of what I just heard I was blessed to know that she was so confident in who she is and I never want her to lose that. It’s a perfect example of what God did for us. He formed us perfect and spent time on us and continues to spend time on us. As women we tend to focus solely on the outer appearance but I believe we must focus on the inner beauty before we can ever fully begin to lose weight and train ourselves to eat right.

Looking in the mirror, going deep within ourselves and finding who we truly are. Some of us have been hurt by parents, some of us have been hurt by our loved ones, our husbands, parents,kids. You name it and your heart has been touched in a negative way.

I want you to imagine with me right now all your broken pieces being picked up and glued back together in perfection. Painted by God’s beautiful hand, handcrafted with a purpose. Don’t turn to food or any other unhealthy habit to get passed the pain. Look in the mirror and see the beauty that God has made. We might not be where we want to be but we can get there. Don’t give up.

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Destiny

The fear of doing something that totally defies logic, anything that you would naturally do, this crippling fear that keeps your mind spinning. Fear is an amazing thing. People pass it up as just a natural response but it is so much more.

Many people let fear keep them from their destiny, that one thing God has called them to. I know when I was young I just knew God called me to the mission fields. I remember dreaming at night of all the lives I would touch with this amazing gift He gave me. I was passionate, I new in my whole being that this was my soul purpose of being put on this earth. I went on missions. The first mission I went to was Brazil. That place stole my heart from the moment I stepped off the plane. The colors, the smell, the people. Oh the people, that’s what I will never forget. They were sweet, open hearted and kind. They welcomed our silly butts from the moment we got there. Our mission there was to make them laugh. See I was a clown, they called me lulu ( I picked that name because that’s the name my grandpa Joe gave me when I was little ).

The second mission I went on was with a dance and singing group that went from one city to the next. Again my heart went out to the people. The broken and hopeless.

The third and sadly the last was with a drama group. I found my voice on this mission. They believed that God gave me a gift to speak to the people. I fought it till my last night. They would not let the tour end until I stepped out and faced my fear head on. Guess what, I did it, and I let God speak through me and it blessed people. Me out of all 8 of us, He chose me that night.

So many things in this life has scared me. People thought I was insane, and not everyone liked me, but I did not give up.

The older I got I gave into that crippling fear that told me I could do nothing. That dream of helping people was a childhood dream. That’s a mistake when we start allowing ourselves to doubt who God has made us. You know, I may never go back to Brazil, that place where God gave me peace and a clear vision of my future, but He has brought me into this beautiful opportunity to help others feel better about themselves. Never thought it would be through fitness, but they need what I have. Encouragement, support and faith in who they are. I’m not an expert, by no means do I claim to be, and I’m still trying to stay strong with my journey, but I can go hand in hand, side by side with them until they accomplish the faith in themselves that I have had for them the whole time. I found my missions in life, along side being a mother of 5 beautiful kids and a wife of a wonderful man. I’m truly blessed.

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Perfection

From the time kids are born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to; how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Sisters teach brothers about the mysteries of girls; brothers teach sisters about the puzzle of boys.

The mystery that puzzles me is the eternal bond between a brother and his sister. The protection and love that the brother has in side him without ever being taught. No matter if the brother is younger or older.

The story I’m going to tell you about is my youngest son and my youngest daughter. When I found out I was pregnant with my son being that he would be the baby of 4 girls I never guessed he would be a boy.

When I found out, I was ecstatic! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have a boy ( though I wanted one). I came to peace with my girls. I was happy and content knowing that I might some day have grandsons. God blessed me with this perfect small little bundle. Something I’ve dreamed about for my kids is this bond that my two little ones have. God has crafted into pure perfection.

In the time he’s been here I could not be prouder of the bond between my youngest little ones. It is just pure perfection at least through a mother’s eyes.

I never had a brother. I grew up with 3 sisters, so when my son started getting older and they became best friends I was amazed. What makes the difference I’ve always wondered, between the girls as sisters and girls with their brothers.

He’s protective, loving, caring and even though he is little, he takes such good care of his sisters. I know that a bond between mother and son is different than the bond between a mother and her daughters. A mothers love is for all her kids, just the bond is different. I wonder if that’s the way it is in the case of brothers and sisters. It’s a mystery to me, but one I’m going to cherish as I continue to learn about.

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Overcoming my excuses

Do you ever go through a season in your life, where you make every excuse you can think of just to get out of that one thing you know you need to fix or even change ( even if you know it will change your life ). I did for years with every inch, with every pound I put on, with every pregnancy, with every excuse, with every depressed moment I had.

Sometimes when you’ve made excuses for so long they become second nature. You tell your self that you’ve tried but failed, and really you gave up because of excuses, and you convince yourself that because you messed up, you failed and so the cycle begins.

A roller coaster of emotions consume your whole being, and you tell yourself that you will never get control over your weight, your life, or your emotions. Maybe I’m just crazy you tell yourself, hopeless.

Ok, honestly I’ve felt that way. I convinced myself that I was a crazy failure, but then I came in contact with a group of people that have opened my eyes to realize that, I’m in-control of who I am and what happens to me. Let me tell you that, if you surround yourself with people that are on the same mission as you, you find confidence in places you didn’t think existed.

I’m healthy now and I’m happy, who would have thought I can find love for myself and the body God gave me. Being comfortable in my own skin. Finding Gods purpose and helping others find out who God made them to be.

I’ve lost over 30lbs in the last 8 months. I can say that I feel better about who I am. Feeding your body with the right nutrition helps you feel better as well. Coaching others in the same situation has been my mission. I thought I had to be a missionary or go over to another county to get people to hear my message of hope, love, and peace but I have a mission here to help women find who they are through Gods eyes, and to realize their beauty and find love for themselves. My story, my journey, is not over or complete, but I will stand strong with others as long as I’m on this earth.

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Mommy am I beautiful

As a mother of 4 girls, I have come to see that each of them go through a season when they will not wear anything if it does not twirl, and if it sparkles, so much the better. Hours and hours of endless play, results from giving a little box with hats, scarves, necklaces, and clothes.
Once dressed, they will dance around the house or pose in front of the mirror. Their hearts wanting you to tell them they are beautiful. Sometimes they will look at you and ask with their eyes. Verbal or not they only want to hear that they are beautiful.

One of the things I’m learning as a mother of daughters is, how I must watch what I say. It’s so easy to be hard on myself, meaning that I unconsciously catch myself putting myself down and sloughing off positive comments. I thought that it was usually inside my head that I did most of my criticizing, and not something that my daughters would pick up on, but I think I was wrong. They see and hear the what and how I act. They mimic every word, every action they see me do.

The words that come out of your mouth don’t only affect you because of the lack of love you have for yourself. Your kids see that and start questioning there own worth and beauty.
The one desire I have for all 4 of my girls, is to learn to be healthy and love their body’s. I know from personal experience, that must be something they learn from their moms as they get older.

I remember when I was little, people would make fun of the way I dressed, the fact that I had to wear glasses and just my overall personality (I had a geeky personality). I look back and I’m proud of who God made me. It took years for me to believe in myself. It’s something that I’m still learning to do.

God made us in his image and if we think about all the beauty that God made, its near impossible to think that he would make us any different. The definition of beauty is:
having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind

That’s what God made us, perfect in his eyes. We must see and believe that so our daughters will follow our examples.

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The fearless mother

You know that feeling when you walk into a room and your kids are everywhere? Screaming, fighting, wanting you to fix what ever problem they are having at that moment and you think to yourself, why oh why me lord.

Those moments we forget why we had kids because life and things get in the way. We get so stressed that the only thing we see is what’s going on now.

That’s the question most parents ask themselves the Big Why Lord! Ok, I’m going to get serious for a moment and tell you why I wanted kids. At the time I would have never guessed I would have had 5 but back to my story.

My husband and I had no clue that we were going to have my oldest daughter so early on in our marriage, but I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with her. My heart was so full. This miracle was growing inside me:). After she was born she became the center of my world and I could not imagine life without her, so of course I could not let her be alone and so goes the story. I could tell you story after story of all the wonderful memories I have of every single one of them. The older they get the more I have to sit and remember those times so I remember why my hair is turning gray.

As mothers we get scared of all the bad that might come our kids way, so we feel we have to fix it and make it better. The one thing I’m learning as my kids get older is, my job is not always to fix it, and I was always afraid that, that’s what I had to do. As the years go by, I’m realizing that there is a time to fix, then there is a time to sit back and just listen. We need to let them figure life out as a individual, so they know they have the power to fix it for themselves.

Now the one thing that I can not figure out and to this day I do not understand is, why they have to pick on each other just to hear the other one scream, but as to life some things make since while others will have us guessing till the day we die, and I’m afraid that just might be one of them.

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It’s A Blessed Life

Have you noticed that when you set your mind to something, all the sudden everything tends to get in your way. I’ve had that happen allot the last couple of months with the choice to work out.

I’ve mentioned once or twice that I really enjoy working out. The funny thing is that sometimes I feel like a snow man melting and I’m so sore from working out 2 times a day, my legs hurt, my arms feel like jello, my abs are tight but that feeling that I crushed that workout far outweighs not doing it at all.

My kids over the past few months have noticed the change in how the family eats and how active we’ve become. My Bella is always right there beside me, no matter how hard she thinks the workout is and for a 6 year old, I think that’s pretty awesome!
I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but piyo is a Beachbody program a cross between yoga and palates. Builds strength and flexibility. I’ve worked so hard to accomplish all that I have, I will push through to the end.

I live a Blessed life with all that God has given me and I tend to pass it on to all 5 of my kids.

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